I have decided that its time for a journal update. First thing first. Sorry to everyone that I have not been online lately, its because I did not have any internet for some time and just yesterday got it fixed. So i have not been avoiding you peoples, so please dont get mad with me. Yeah, it was when i lost the internet I realized how much i relied on it to remain in contract with most of my friends. yeah. cuz i am way too lazy to pick up the phone to call any of ya. anyways, I will be leaving you guys again on Friday for California. I'll be getting back I think the 9th or 10th. yeah. I'll try to post a journal when i get back.
yeah, I found my journal (aka dairy) the other day and was reading though it. man, you guys thought i had bad spelling normally, i suck a lot more when i am depressed or tired. and my handwriting is so messy, like i was writing with my left hand or something in some of the entries. yeah...
oh, I want to apologize to some of you people, I feel like i have been a crappy friend and I am sorry. I didn't mean to be like that. i think main of the reason was because I was thrown in spot where i really really did not ever want to be in. I just did not know what to do really. i felt so completely awful that i wanted to curl up in a ball under my blankets and wish it away. and no matter what i did or say did not seem to help the issue at all. yeah...I just feel like that I have not been really making an effort to being a good friend to some of you. I just want to say also that if I do or say anything that offends you in anyway or you don't like something i did/said just come up and tell me or send me an email or note. I just find it really immature when people gripe about something said or did behind a person's back without confronting them about it first. I've see it happen and it really disgusts me. I just wanted to throw that out there. while i am kind of on the topic, i just want to mention right now that if you decide to leave a comment, let it be a real comment related to the journal itself, you have no idea how much it annoys me when people leave comments on journals and it have nothing what so ever to do with anything written in the journal. that goes for you too Sami, don't write a comment on how i spelled words wrong and how bad my grammar sucks because i already knew that.
umm....what else to type. oh, has anyone else not feeling hungry lately? I know i usual am not hungry when its hot out, but for the past two weeks its only been in the 70s, not that hot really but I just have not been hungry. my mind has been slipping back to thinking on how unnecessary food is. Like even if i am a little bit hungry and there is something I am just not in the mood for or something I don't like, my mind says that there is no reason to eat then. If not that, i am forgetting to eat also. I weight myself daily, and i have been weighting about 104 quite a few times and it worries me. that makes me like 16 pounds underweight. then when I do actually eat, i cant eat that much because my stomach has shrunk and i get full even quicker. to give you an idea just how little i need to fill me up, just one taco from taco bell will do. And then because of work, i do not really have a friend there to make sure I eat either. I have been skipping breakfast, then i might have a few french fries during work then maybe a slice of pizza if carol tells me too, and not really eat when i get home cuz there really isnt anything that appeals to me. that is my diet on a normal day right there. that is how little I have been eating. It freaks me out, but I dont do anything about it.
okay...its almost midnight and I got work in the morning so i should get some sleep. sry if i started to ramble, but hey, its my journal.